Written by Kande Augustine on Jan 26th 2022
Emotional and Verbal Abuse is not on the table for discussion often enough, as everyone is more focused on Gender based and Domestic Violence.
Emotional Abuse stems from different behavioural patterns where one person oppresses and attempts to suppress the other person’s entire Personality and Freedom, simply by the things they say and do in an attempt to alter, control and manipulate their entire lives, bent on using then destroying that person. This happens in a lot of Relationships.
As simple as it is, not allowing someone to do the things they are accustomed to doing for Social Development and Recreational Purposes for their entire lives, would definitely lead to unhappiness and in the long run cause emotional stress.
Love is the Joy of seeing someone flourish in every area of their lives, and there are people who say they love you then on the flip side of this, they want to control down to the air you breathe, insulting and making cheeky remarks at any inclination of your objection to their decision for your life. This is crazy when you think about it, especially as God gives life along with appointing each person with individual mandates, with standards for us to comply to which are set in his word (The Holy Bible) for over decades.
Things that would make someone believe that they have the right to control your life, is the fact that they have assisted you in one way or the other either in the past, present, or have promised to assist you with something. Blackmail is definitely one type of abuse that has been around since Slavery days, therefore still affects our people Subconsciously and Consciously. It is not okay. Then there are people who do nothing for you but from the moment that they identify your care and concern for their lives and development they would use that as a medium for manipulation.
This is a very unhealthy behavioral pattern mostly seen in men who oftentimes try to alter God’s word, which states that a female/spouse should submit to their male Spouse.
There is Submission, and Subjection, which are both necessary at times but lets not confuse that with Oppression which would lead to Depression. For our our own Health and Peace of Mind we have to be able to clearly decipher so that we can make rational decisions going forward, treating our loves with the Care and Concern that they all Deserve.
Do as I say and not as I do are unspoken words in some Relationships, where one person wants freedom to do whatever they want to do, but expects you to do only what they say you can do, and contrary to this there is argument. These are things to identify early so that it can be addressed for a long term Healthy Relationship.
We have to remember that God is the Boss in a Relationship, nowhere states that either party is the Boss, we are all equals under the Lord. Yes we may hold different Opinions, have different Personalities, Interests, Likes, Dislikes, come from different Backgrounds therefore hold different Moral and Social Values and most importantly we carry different anointing’s so there would be passionate debates from time to time depending on how deep we feel about a scenario or topic and that is fine, but for God’s sake we are not the Boss of our own lives because we did not create our life. How could you want to control something that you did not create? In fact, once there is a level of respect, why is there a need for “Control” which is Abuse. God is the Boss and once this is understood there would be smooth sailing because both parties have the ability to seek counsel from the Holy Spirit and move forward accordingly, and respectfully also avoiding the same repetitive debates and issues.
We have to cast out the “superiority complex” totally and completely, as this would take us nowhere in any situation, and we have to stop hurting the ones we love, or should I say the ones that love us, because if you love someone you would not be able to stand seeing them unhappy to begin with. Let’s think about that !
Make the best decision for your overall development and wel-being, and remember with God’s direction we are responsible for our own lives and Happiness, yet we are supposed to ensure we provide the best environment for the ones we care about so that love and personality can thrive.
God Bless !
1 Peter 3:7 – Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving Honour unto the Wife, as unto the Weaker Vessel, and as being heirs together of the Grace of life; that your Prayers be not Hindered.
Colossians 3:19 – Husbands, love your Wives, and be not bitter against them.
Ephesians 5:33 – Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his Wife even as himself; and the wife see that she Reverence her Husband.
CHRIST Reinforcement Ministries 